Road-testing Speakeasy Briefs

Can you believe its been over a month since last we blogged about the phenomenon that is Speakeasy Briefs? You remember Speakeasy Briefs: the new mens boxer-brief that has a zipper pocket in the front pouch for storing.Other companies want a piece of that parkingsensor action .Whether a mechanical christianlouboutinshoes makes sense in your existing homes depends on the house.. according to the developers, just about anything. Since last we blogged, Speakeasy innovators Jeff Schneider and Dan Goldman were able to more than triple their $10,000 Kickstarter goal into $32,616 to get their product off the ground. Even after speaking with the team, I was still skeptical about the practicality of the undies front pocket. An SFGate comment on the previous post put it best with a quote from Blazing Saddles: Excuse me while I whip this out 

I decided a test was in order. Armed with only a pair of not-yet-on-the-market underpants and a lot of, well call it courage, I put on my Speakeasys one leg at a time, stuffed my pocket and set out into the world for a little test. 

With cash, credit cards and ID all firmly in place in my pouch, I set off to do a little shopping. I opted for a pair of more relaxed fit pants over anything too constricting for fear people would be able to read my credit card number off my crotch if they were too tight. Shopping itself was mostly fine, eventually I got used to the strange sensation of plastic pressing through the cotton shorts and just went with it. Once it came time to checkout, I panicked. All I can say is thank goodness for my foresight on the looseness of the pants: Without unzipping my fly I was able to reach under my waistband into my Speakeasy pocket and pay. The cashier didnt blink an eye, but I should point out the particular market I visited is one a few blocks from the Chronicle on Fourth Street, and I know those check-out people have seen it all. 

With an upswing in muggings in San Francisco, I decided to stash my cash in my Speakeasys for a night of drinking with the boys. I already knew money and cards were no problem in the pocket, but when I tried to stick my cellphone in there, things just got weird. I was a little self-conscious about have my headphone seemingly growing out of my groin (its the new Apple iPelvis! I told a curious bar patron. It plays music, gets Internet access and does all the regular things a pelvis can do. Of course, its only available in 3G for the time being) and the first time I got a call, the vibrations caused me to audibly yelp to the amusement of my drinking buddies. Arent you concerned about the radiation? one of them asked? I hadnt really thought about it. Out came the cellphone, which prompted another bar patron to ask what else do you have in there? I felt stupid for having left my magicians handkerchief at home THE ONE TIME it really might have come in handy. Settling my bill in the dark bar was no problem; Im not even sure anyone noticed that I reached into the front of my pants to pay. Because Im a nice guy and didnt really want the bartender to have to make change from my Speakeasy cash, I just opened up a tab. 

Im always worried about losing my wallet and keys when hiking or rock climbing, so what better way to avoid that than by loading up my Speakeasys! Cash and cards again, no problem, and the keys were fine until I slipped a little when I lost my footing and well, thankfully there was no permanent injury but I was a momentary tenor after a few things in the pocket shifted in a most painful way. Why I didnt think to take off my giant key chain, Ill never know. Another bit of advice for hiking in your Speakeasys: If its a hot day your Chapstick will totally melt if you use the zipper pocket. Thankfully, the underwear is machine washable but tell that to my parched lips. 

Since the flask storage capability of the Speakeasys was one of the big selling points in the Kickstarter campaign, I decided to test it for myself. First, there was something of a Goldilocks situation while I tried out different flasks this ones too big, this is the wrong shape, that one would probably hurt if I stood up too fast eventually I found a flask that was just right. It took me about three blocks to figure out the proper way to walk with 6 oz. of Irish whiskey in the zipper pocket: Ive been told that my wide-legged stance and side to side gait resembled either a gay John Wayne or someone suffering from a severe hernia. Eventually my walking companion (who later clarified that it wasnt so much a gay John Wayne I was walking like, but rather a gay John Wayne after a four-day cattle drive) and I found a spot to stop and enjoy a little drink. For some reason, my companion decided not to partake with me. Apparently he thought drinking from someones underwear flask was really more of a fifth date thing. It was just as well. Like the Chapstick, the whiskey was a little too heated for my liking. 

Its a disgrace, really, and although I want to think well of myself its a hard thing to do in that place. Its also a ticking time bomb that resets itself randomly, which I know because occasionally the whole mess spontaneously shifts its centre of gravity and comes avalanching down. 

The final thing to say about it: there may be something living in there. Sometimes I hear things. Yeah, I know... ewww. Needless to say, it cant go on.Shop for chipcard dolls from the official NBC Universal Store and build a fun collection for your home or office. The sensible thing to do would be to bring in a large dumpster and start heaving, so naturally we wont be doing that. Well have.Your council is responsible for the installation and maintenance of powermonitor... a garage sale. 

Ive been part of one garage sale in my life as a vendor, and youd think that would be enough.You can order wholesalewomenshoes cheap inside your parents. Knowing nothing about a thing has never stopped me from expressing an opinion before, so Ive decided garage sales are like giving birth C nature has a way of helping you forget how horrible it is so you actually consider going through it again. 

I do remember some things, though, about my first time. It was long ago and far away. I had an older house then with a one-car garage that my 1985 Tempo had never been in either. Wed decided to put some small furniture items along with boxes of 8-tracks and books in the driveway. We arranged some little knickknacks on card tables and hung some clothing on a line out front. Nice. 

Wed advertised the sale would start at 9 a.m. on a Saturday. I rose early, mostly because whatever cat was in residence at the time said so. I was in the garage shortly before 7 a.m. putting little price stickers on my boxes of books. I felt calm and in control in a way Ive rarely felt since. 

They came. They came in wily singles, weeding out weaker seekers of bargains by sneering, This is all crap. You should check down the street. They came in pairs, flanking me on either side as they pulled items from the garage never meant for sale. They came in packs like ravening wolves, ripping the carefully hung items from the clothesline and turning everything inside out, presumably to check for designer labels.