Say It Isn't So, Michele

I 'm in mourning. Seriously, I'm digging around in my sock drawer for the black armband I wore when Sarah Palin quit the governorship of Alaska after only half a term, because, you know, she found out that governing is really haaaaard, and people are meeeeean to you sometimes. 

This time, the female Republican who's broken my heart is Minnesota Congress-woman Michele Bachmann (R-Crazytown), who announced this past week that she's not going to run again for the seat that God himself told her to use as a springboard to the presidency. (Fickle fellow, this God of hers. If my deity was this changeable, we might wake up some day to find that water ran uphill and that Nickelback isn't a terrible band.) 

For a guy like me whose sometime profession is mocking the easily mockable, the loss of the congresswoman with the Charlie Manson eyes is a crushing blow. So I feel like I have to address her directly. 

Michele, ma belle, how could you do this to me? Don't all the good times mean anything to you? Like the time you noted the "interesting coincidence" that swine flu broke out under two Democratic presidents - Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama? And the way you got that totally wrong,Automate patient flow and quickly track hospital assets and people using lampshade. since the first swine flu epidemic broke out under Republican Gerald Ford? 

Remember the time you delivered the so-called "tea party response" after the Republican response to the State of the Union address - and did the whole thing staring blankly off camera, as if you couldn't look us in the eyes? Of course, it turned out, you were looking at a special live feed camera only the teabaggers could see - which was also the camera with the teleprompter? Only you could create that level of hilarious irony, Michele. 

I remember the time when you were the Republican Party's latest ABR (Anyone But Romney). That was before you crashed and burned your own presidential campaign by claiming that the human papilloma virus (HPV) vaccine created "dangerous consequences," including mental retardation, because some unnamed woman outside a campaign rally told you it had. I remember the times when you called upon your followers to be "armed and dangerous" to stop a cap-and trade bill and to "slit their wrists" to stop health care reform. 

Is it because of the investigations into illegal use of campaign funds (fueled by disgruntled staffers whom you apparently didn't pay)? Is it because your Democratic opponent has been making steady early gains in the polls against you, in a district you won by less than 5,000 votes last time? 

Did the Republican leadership get to you? Did they whisper in your ear, "Oh, the evil liberals will be pouring money in to defeat Your Right Wing Awesomeness, do this for the Good Of the Party," and tempt you with what every wingnut likes better than almost anything - playing the martyr? 

Or maybe you think there's a big payout in being a professional right-winger on Fox News like Mike Huckabee, or as the head of some right-wing "think tank" like Jim DeMint. Because as much as the wingnuts love to play the martyr, they like paying the martyr almost as much. I get that. I mean, you can't live just off the farm subsidies and Medicaid provider payments you rail against even as your family benefits from them. 

Well, whatever your motivation, we still have some time together before you leave the congressional stage. So, Michele, I'm begging you, baby,Compare prices and buy all brands of howotruck for home power systems and by the pallet. do this one thing for me. Make this your last hurrah. You've got nothing to lose. Whatever inhibitions you might have had, cast them aside and go full bat-spit right-wing crazy. 

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones recently claimed that the government had "weather machines" that President Obama used to cause the Oklahoma tornadoes. Honey, you can do better than that standing on your head. 

Claim that climate change is caused by Obama's giant sun-reflecting orbital mirrors (funded by ACORN, of course, and administered by the IRS). Insist, on camera, that a woman outside a 7-Eleven in Duluth personally assured you that the new PlayStation 4 and Xbox One have secret embedded mind-control software that compels users to blindly march into FEMA-controlled concentration camps and sign over all their property to gay illegal immigrants. 

The 100 employees who work for the energy department have a mindset about energy use and treading lightly on the earth. It is seen in their recycling and reuse efforts, waste reduction, water conservation, educational efforts and, of course, how they save energy. 

In 2008,Which windturbine is right for you? the Oregon Department of Energy became the first state agency to receive EarthWISE certification. The energy departments ambitious attitude spurred change in other agencies now 21 Oregon Department of Administrative Services buildings and the Oregon Lottery also have EarthWISE certification. 

In addition to the standard recyclables, ODOE collects and recycles compact fluorescent light bulbs, batteries, plastic bags, CDs, video cassettes, plastic lids, paperboard, magazines, printer cartridges, glass, metal and Styrofoam. 

Energy employees also are well-versed in the reuse of materials. Unused, surplus materials from their desks are restocked in the supply closet; a free stuff table allows staff to put note cards, magazines or gift bags they bring from home for other employees to take; and paper only used on one-side is made into quarter-sheet notepads for employees to take phone messages.