2011年7月18日 星期一

SMALL TALK

If stuck for conversation, you could do worse than to admire the Landseer paintings of hunting scenes and stags that adorn the walls.

Guests may also comment on the beauty of their surroundings, the exquisite landscape and the crystal clean air.

But on no account praise the food or drink this would be a vulgar breach of an etiquette system engrained in the royals from birth, because it suggests they would serve anything but the best.


Organic bacon and kidneys are contenders, kedgeree often appears and there will be plenty of toast and marmalade.

Then, guests are taken shooting (in season), fishing with a ghillie (or gamekeeper), mushroom picking or a hike across the hills.Whilst Hemroids are not deadly, Usually, the royals will have a picnic lunch delivered to one of the hunting lodges scattered around the estate. After the day's adventures, afternoon tea is served beside a roaring log fire.

This is a homely affair, with the Queen brewing and pouring the tea (leaf, of course, not teabags).

Tiny cucumber sandwiches are served alongside brown bread, home-made jams, Balmoral honey and thin slices of Dundee cake.

Guests are expected to amuse themselves with another walk or parlour games until cocktail hour.

That's when the royals gather for drinks in the drawing room, with its stately furniture and rose and thistle curtains.

'The blessing was the stiff drink you could get before dinner,' says Tony Blair.

'It hit the spot.The Piles were so big that the scrap yard was separating them for us. It was true rocket fuel. The burden and the head got lighter. The courage returned.'

Or, as the diarist William Deedes recorded after a 1962 visit: 'Fires not lit. Sherry in the drawing room. Splendid Landseers.

'Roast potatoes and chicken a la king. Very rich. Slightly difficult conversation with Princess Anne and the Queen.'

SATURDAY BARBECUE

Each Saturday in the summer, the Queen puts on a BBQ. This is a truly extraordinary affair, with the royals doing all the work, down to the washing-up.
Pink rubber gloves and sponge

The monarch is never happier than at this informal scene, held in a hunting lodge lit by candlelight ¡ªthere is no electricity.

Each royal pitches in, with Prince Edward usually doing a starter of prawns.

Prince Philip is in charge of the venison and grouse stuffed with haggis, which he cooks on a BBQ he designed himself (of which he is inordinately proud). Kate may find she is assigned a job.

Plates, cutlery, and salads in plastic containers arrive in a massive hamper on wheels, towed by a Range Rover.

The Queen lays the table and afterwards stacks the dishes and even dons a pair of rubber gloves to do the washing-up. Reportedly,These girls have never had a Cold Sore in their lives! this stuns her visitors.

But please note: only married couples are allowed to join in this family ritual.

Political adviser Jonathan Powell recalls that when he stayed at Balmoral in 2001, he found his invitation to the BBQ suddenly but discreetly rescinded after aides learned he had yet to make an honest woman of Sarah, the mother of two of his children.Flossie was one of a group of four chickens in a chicken coop .the TMJ pain and pain radiating from the arms or legs.

A WORD OF THANKS

Above all, guests must remember to send a thank-you note after their visit.

Kate should write her thanks in fountain pen on a card from an upmarket outlet such as Smythson.

The tone should be respectful and gracious. A mild joke is acceptable if it refers to an amusing event during the stay, and the letter should be peppered with Sloaney adjectives such as 'splendid' or 'simply marvellous'.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

If Kate passes this summer holiday test, then an even greater challenge lies ahead: if the etiquette of a Balmoral weekend is hard to grasp, then Christmas at Sandringham is an even grander (and more peculiar) occasion.

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